SOME LESSONS I’VE LEARNT SINCE RESUMING LAW SCHOOL | THE JOLA DIARIES.

It’s been a minute.

I think for a while there, I’d experienced some level of anxiety associated with writing and creating content generally. But this past week, it’s like whatever was blocking my creativity has been lifted and I’ve finally found the excitement I used to have in writing and content creation.

So I’m back. Although I don’t know how long it’ll be before I have a mind block again, but for the mean time, I’m celebrating this “lift” and creating content as though my life depends on it.

I wanted to talk about what’s been going on in my life since resuming the Nigerian Law School since November 2021. As a prelude to this, I’d completed the Bar I program in Abuja earlier in the year and I absolutely hated it (no filter). I hated being in Bwari because of how small and isolated it was and my hatred for the place was extremely evident. It came up multiple times in many conversations I had with people outside. It was obvious from my attitude throughout Bar 1 that I couldn’t wait to leave. And these feelings generally prevented me from being as open as I’d have loved to be when it came to relating with others and making new friends.

So, when I got back, I’d resolved in my mind that I’d enter Bar II with an open mind. No preconceived notions on how awful it would be, no stoicism regarding how I’d related with new people or in my interactions with others. I’d prayed so hard that I’d enjoy every aspect of my Bar II and I wouldn’t leave here with any regrets. In many ways, from the start of the program, I’d gradually found the “Anjola” that I’d thought I’d lost since 2018. I found that I enjoyed being that person. Pre-2018, I’d always been a very buoyant and energetic person, but post 2018, I found that significantly decreased and I’d withdraw myself so much that I became “reserved”, a trait I’ve found so difficult to break out from since then.

Basically, I get werey for head and if you’d spent 2 minutes with me in this Pre-2018 era, it was obvious.

This year, I became more honest with myself, no matter how painful or embarrassing it was. I realised that while I love meeting new people and making friends, I loved being lost in my head a little bit more. I love the world behind my eyes and the creativity I discover every-time in my solitude. So I’ve told myself to find a way to balance both sides, because it was ridiculous to box my personality into only one side of the coin. I’ve found that it’s easier to do this by feeding off the energy a person or the room presents. It’s easy to become friends with someone who, for lack of better words, is like me, in the sense that I know they have some degree of werey in their head, and it’s easy to withdraw and enjoy my solitude even where people are present, where their energy doesn’t necessarily match mine. So in a way, I’ve found some balance in being both persons. In all honesty, I love being around my type of people— I feel like the extent and beauty of my personality shines through at its best.

I’ve learnt to embrace the growth in my mistakes. I’ve made more mistakes being in this law school than I have in a very long time. And I think even making this statement has some degree of pride in it. This past month has been a reminder to me that there’s still many *many* mistakes that I’m bound to make, sometimes over and over again and sometimes just once and never again. But what I love about this is the fact that I’ve seen some growth. Pre-2022, I near abhorred allowing myself to feel some types of vulnerability— especially when I knew I had no control over the situation. I’d rather push the emotions away and move the hell on because I didn’t want to waste time going through the emotions. But this year, I’ve learnt sometimes, I’m going through those emotions, you discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed. I’ve now developed this *albeit* annoying habit of talking to the closest people in my life about each and every emotion. It could be from as little to how frustrated I’d been during the day because of my long classes, how confused I was after a certain class, or related to sometime a friend had done to hurt me that day. It doesn’t matter. If it impacts my emotions in that moment, best believe I’m calling someone close (including talking to God) to discuss it, something I would never have done in the past. I’ve discovered that there’s no beauty in bottling up your emotions— there’s only pain in doing so.

Also, I enjoy chopping life. Because if I don’t do so, nobody will do it for me. I love going out, taking care of myself and spending time with me. Plus with how frustrated I am on a constant basis, chopping life has become a form of coping mechanism for me at this point. So whenever I see any opportunity to do so, I take the opportunity without really thinking twice.

I love how I’m still discovering myself everyday. It’s such a fascinating part of life to realise— that everyday, you meet a newer you than the you of yesterday.

One response to “SOME LESSONS I’VE LEARNT SINCE RESUMING LAW SCHOOL | THE JOLA DIARIES.”

  1. Nice read, keep talking to God and good people about your vulnerability.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: