Current State of Affairs’Going through Troubled Waters’ + ‘It’s the Small Things That Matter’.
I’ve recently had my share of not so good, bad and outright terrible days. Mentally, physically and emotionally. So I finally started my therapy and road to recovery mentally after coming to the realisation that at the end of day, I’m responsible for me and so I need to ‘woman up’(😂) and take responsibility for my mental health. So I took time off posting to avoid posting and sharing emotions that I wanted to keep locked away forever. In this post today, I’d be sharing some of the lessons I’ve picked up from some open therapy exercises I’ve been taking recently. Again it may not apply to all or even sound important for some, but for some it just might make a difference.
Meditation, breathing and mindfulness exercises and Yoga. Those three have done wonders for me recently and opened up my mind to breathe in a way that I’ve probably never experienced all my life. It has somehow reduced my susceptibility to stress (even though I’ve come to accept that stress is a part of life), and my need for relaxation. I’ve learnt to literally live one day at a time, and live each one day for me. As selfish as it may sound or seem, it’s something I’ve started to notice and appreciate more- living my life for me first- where for the past few years I’ve always made decisions and lived life constantly in consideration of others except me. I’m not selfish now, but rather I’m more self-aware and self-serving.
I feel God in my breathing now and I’m more conscious and grateful at the same time for each breath I take in and each breath I take out. I feel God in me STILL breathing. Breathing is something we tend to take for granted as humans. Instead we overly focus on the problems around us and every things that’s not right around us, but once you engage with self-mindfulness, you tend to focus on the small things around and on your breath as well and I’m seeing God through it. This brings me to ‘the small things that matter’ (as a side, check out Small Things by 3RACHA for inspiration on this). By appreciating the small things around me or happening, my past traumas are slowly slipping away, and I’m even more grateful for the now.
In the past, whenever I talked or hinted at my struggles, NO ONE listened. Rather, they pretended to listen, not knowing all they were doing was hearing. I’ve learnt that humans don’t listen, rather they do what they’re good at: Hearing only to comment and not necessarily listening or hearing to understand your feelings and prescribing solution that THEY want you to take, not necessarily solutions that best fit YOUR situation. So I decided to stop talking because there was no one listening and frankly, no one wanted to listen-after all, it was selfish of me to assume that everyone else didn’t have their own problems or rough circumstances. At the same time, certain things became important to me and others held less importance that at the end of the day, many never really understood why those had become important or less important. I started meditating more with God and talking to God more and spending more deliberate time with myself and God, I started appreciating the little things more and having a heart that had more gratitude instead of focusing on the bad and ugly.
Through this, Ive come to realise that it’s okay to step back once in a while from life to avoid running ahead of my pace and time. This means stepping back from social media, from people as a whole and from situations that can potentially rob you of your personal peace. So what did I end up doing? I stepped back into my solitude for a while and I am absolutely loving it! Because I’ve been in and enjoyed my solitude for the longest periods of time recently, I’ve now become addicted to it- it’s ironic- me, a solitude addict. I’ve become so addicted that being around people becomes unconsciously draining right from the first few minutes of it, so I end up unintentionally choking and closing up, whilst fully wishing to return back to my solitude, to the place of peace and happiness that I’ve created for myself, without other people encroaching in my personal space.
I think I’m a way it has decluttered and emptied my mind a whole lot to focus my mind on priority things and things that attract my personal peace. This has overall, meant me taking a step back to evaluate and re-assess relationships and anything around me which I believe will rob me of my personal peace and solitude.
Am I being selfish? I don’t know.
Am I doing too much? Maybe.
But all I know is for the first time in a while, I’m FINALLY doing something for ME and ME ALONE.
⚠️Also Check out my Instagram video (@thisgenerationbyanjola) for a sort of continuation on this post on Monday.
Till the next post my lovelies,