“Only when you clearly see Jesus will you be able to clearly see yourself”
Do you ever just wake up one day and look at yourself in the mirror and think: I’m not good enough?
That’s me everyday. Everyday I wake up thinking only about my inadequacies and about the things I hate about myself that I wish I could fix. I’m not good enough; I’m not pretty enough; I’m not smart enough; I’m not funny enough; I’m too serious but at the same time I’m not deep enough, and any failed relationship and friendship, my inadequacies played a huge role in it because I’m simply not good enough. Why? Because my scars defined me. Because I allowed my scars determine how I think and how I behave and act. And gradually, my scars became the whole of me.
A friend of mine once told me, there’s nothing wrong with liking a person, but that wasn’t my problem. The problem in reality was the uncertainty that came with liking THIS person; ‘I’m never going to be good enough. I don’t think I’m mentally stable, and the usual : I’m not good enough; I’m not pretty enough; I’m not smart enough; I’m not funny enough. And then everyday, as these feelings grew, everyday I began to think less of myself, and every day I gave the devil a foothold to control my mind and my entire being. I was unnecessarily angry, unnecessarily emotional, on some days not knowing why.
But with every ‘inadequacies’, God sets a daily reminder to me that I may not be adequate in the world’s eyes, but I am more than adequate to him and for him. And God further said, ‘Are you trying to say I am inadequate?’ You see, I had forgotten that I was created in the image and likeness of God, and I reflect God. So every time I said I was not Good enough, I was telling God and the world that God was not Good enough.
You see, a lot of young Christians, Christians in this out generation struggle a lot with knowing their identity in Christ and in the kingdom of God. We get lost in trying to be good enough according to the worlds standards, trying to be perfect for the world, trying to please the world, constantly looking for ways to not look ‘inadequate in the world’ As a result, we lose track of who God has called us to be for him and who we are in Christ.
At least this was what I had gone through. It took me a while to realise that in this thing we call life, I am first a Christian- God’s child and God’s own- before I am a student and even a lawyer, because my identity in Christ is what defines me as a human being. Not my scars, not the worlds standard, not even me- I am defined by the presence of God in me, and identified by Christ.
Recently I discovered that my name in Malaysian means ‘earth’- and it was so significant to my persona in Christ. Psalm 24:1- “The earth is the Lords and the fullness of it thereof”, translates itself into Bunmi is God’s, and the fullness of her thereof. Laying claim on me, God has already said I am his, and everything about me is his- if this is not the best type of romance story ever, I don’t know what else is!
From this and on till now, and forever, I realised that it’s okay-it’s okay not to be good enough according to the world, it’s okay to be inadequate to the world. I know and have my identity deeply rooted in Christ, and that’s really all that matters in the end. I am Christ’s and He is Mine and so, I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM AND SO ARE YOU!