It was the first time I had cried properly in a very long time. This time I didn’t just cry, I wept, not understanding the source or trigger of my tears, but kneeling and weeping in the presence of my maker.
At that point, amidst the tears and prayers and deep reflections, I knew regardless of anything, this Sunday was different in my life, and I wasn’t going to return home the same Anjola I left home as.
Getting up and sitting down, trying to understand how I was going to fix my make up with just tissue and a brush, I just couldn’t figure out how to answer the much expected question: ‘Bunmi are you okay?’ because even if i wanted to give an answer, i couldn’t find an answer to give anyone. I was usually the hyper overexcited type of person and it was totally alien and a once in a while occurence for me to actually cry in public. This time I did not care that I was in public, I was in complete and total awe of God and the Holy Spirit. I was completely overwhelmed, overtaken by the Spirit that even a mere attempt to explain how I felt led to tears (tears I had so desperately tried to conceal over and over) running down my face. I think it was at this point I came to a realization of what the apostles must have felt like in the Upper room when the Holy Spirit descended on them.
Thanksgiving Sundays were always the best (and not just because we were given J(Jollof) Rice). It was the atmosphere and coming to that realization of what God had been doing and was going to continue doing made it a whole lot exciting. Amazing testimonies were always shared, and from the beginning of the service to the grace, we always felt the presence of God. Now this thanksgiving service for me in particular was unusual, it was different for me, the first time in my life that I ever felt that intimate and past normal connection with God, like he was right there sitting beside me. At this point I knew God wasn’t done with me; I knew he had just began in my life.
Initially I thought that was the highlight of it, I thought that was going to be the climax of this unusual Sunday, but stepping up again to the altar for Thanksgiving Praise with the Guest minister on that Sunday, I felt completely overwhelmed and overtaken again. I couldn’t find words to explain how I felt. My mind was trying to so desperately find an answer to what was going on and how I was feeling, and if indeed this was going to be the day God was going to give me a physical manifestation of his presence in my life by gifting me with the ability to speak in tongues.
I could not explain it anymore. In fact I stopped trying to understand God and just willed myself to him. I found myself kneeling and laying flat before him, praying and weeping uncontrollably, and then I spoke in another tongue. Even amidst feeling this way, it was like something else just took over me for like what a while and I wasn’t just ‘Bunmi’ anymore. I must admit, I’m the type of person that loves being in control especially mentally and being conscious of what I say and how I sound, but the Holy Spirit completely took over because I wasn’t just me for more than 10 minutes on that altar and I spoke in languages and words that I did not understand whatsoever.
“After that, I will pour out my spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will have dreams. Your young men will have visions. In those days I will pour out my spirit on those who serve me, men and women alike” -Joel 2:28-29
At this instance I knew THIS was the reason why God woke me up that last night. I knew this was the reason he led me to read 1 Corinthians 1-2,most especially 1:18-31 and 2:9-13 (which I talked about in my previous post: STORYTIME || About the time I LEGIT felt God || Testimony or inspiration?). I knew that from this point there was no going back whatsoever from what I had experienced with God; it was just forward and better.
The devil being this devil tried to play on my human fears and doubts and I began questioning. Was God really going to use me? How could he possibly bestow on me this gift? Someone that was so deeply buried in sins, someone that had done so many things to displease God.
Unlike before I didn’t allow this to eat me; I had to rebuke these thoughts. This was indeed the manifestation of God’s plans in my life and I was not going to allow the devil take hold of this!
We are not too small for God to use us! God does not want us to be mediocre Christians or even ‘usual’youths in this world! He’s been calling us for a while now, and we may have been too distracted to listen to his call.We’re all special to Him, each uniquely created to fulfill his divine purpose!
I’ve grown spiritually, to a point i never once dreamed i’s ever reach, and I finally realized that He wants to use me, in various ways i cannot even imagine, and that has got me more excited than anything else in this world!
I hope this has encouraged you to continue steadfastly and consistently in your walk with God and quelled any doubt as to your credibility before God.
BTW: watch this space for my next post in about a week or two (its going to be stressful executing it and i’m the laziest person I know), titled “The Bathsheba Project”