THE JOURNEY- The Beginning

‘He can do all things’. I lay here pondering about this statement. All my life, I’ve always heard, and always been told that God is Omnipotent, He can do all things. And that subconscious became a memorised statement, not necessarily a conviction, not necessarily something I understood for so long.
All my life I’ve never questioned God, everything just happened the way I wanted and the way it ought to have. I never questioned his ability, never questioned who he is and how far he’s able to do certain things, because I got everything I wanted, effort or not, input or not.
Perhaps because of that I never had the opportunity to think about the statement, to think about God out of the context of what my parents had taught, out of what the church had embedded and in my own way, to the best of my understanding.
I’d always questioned my walk with God; sometimes when it felt I was getting close, It felt like something was always still drawing me back. It became difficult, battling with what I thought was good and what was God. Battling with not understanding what was pulling me away, battling with my own little demons that were drawing me away from Him. Then all at once it became smooth, it became a love relationship, it became easier to communicate and to filter these battling demons.
Then things went downhill again. I began questioning; nothing was just working out again. It felt as though God had just left me, more like he’s punishing me, for things I’ve done, consciously or not. So I began the questions: why do bad things happen to good people? Why don’t things happen the way we want them to? Does God really exist? Does he leave the people he claims to love in their time of need?
Amazingly, I’ve come to realise, with the help and patience of God, and the support of friends and family, that God is an amazing God. Words aren’t enough really to start to describe or even comprehend the kind of love he has for his children and those who earnestly seek and yearn for him (Luke 12:31). God truly is the definition of love, and in his patience, infinite mercy and kindness, he brought me back to him. He breaks you down, breaks your pride and self-exhortation to bring you back to him, to prove that all glory and honour should ideally belong to him. He puts you through hard times to prepare you for the surprisingly amazing end he has for you (Jer 29:11). He wants you to make him priority in your life, and plan your life around him (not the other way around). A truly jealous God he is! He would do anything and whatever it takes to draw your attention back to him.
A slow and self- discovery journey of him is where I’m at, knowing he wants the best for me, rather than living in my own demand of what I want for life, I’ve learnt to live in his abundant supply, to understand his will and not my will, and attain this through constant connection and meditation and understanding of the principles he has set out for my life in his Word. I know the road is rough and tough, and the devil places convenient distractions and obstacles to obtain this, but I know with time, I’ll get to the place where he wants me to be with him and with life.
-Anjola❤

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